For the first time ever, our 4 pound clam shell of strawberries from
Costco started getting mushy before we'd eaten all of it. There's a
popular adage: Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do
without. This was a time to use it up. I searched through my cookbooks
for a good way to use up strawberries. I found this recipe in my Food
Storage cookbook from the LDS cannery. It was SO good!
Strawberry Bread
3 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
4 eggs
1 1/4 cup vegetable oil (I use melted coconut oil.)
2 cups sliced strawberries
Mix
dry ingredients in a large bowl. Add eggs, oil, and berries. Mix until
just moistened. Spoon into 2 prepared (greased and floured) loaf pans.
Bake at 350 F for 1 hour and 10 minutes. Cool in the pans for several
minutes. Remove from pans and finish cooling on a wire rack to cool
completely.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
Pasta with Zucchini and Beans
One of my favorite things about summer is the bounty of available
fresh vegetables at low prices. Our farmers' markets are full of
zucchini and yellow squash. The beans and pasta in this recipe make a
complete protein and a cheap, delicious meal.
1/2 pound of dried Great Northern beans
6 cups sliced zucchini
2 T olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped (any color)
1 large garlic clove, smashed
1 29 oz can of tomato puree
3/4 cup water or vegetable broth
Salt and pepper
4-5 fresh basil leaves OR 1/2 tsp dried basil
Dash of crushed red pepper flakes (more if you like extra kick)
1 pound elbow macaroni or other small pasta
Grated Romano or Parmesan cheese (optional)
Prep: Soak beans overnight
1. Cook beans according to package directions. Drain, reserving 3/4 cup of the cooking liquid.
2. Start heating heavily salted water for pasta.
3. In a large pan, on medium heat, cook the onion in the olive oil until it begins to soften. Add garlic and red pepper flakes. Cook until the garlic becomes fragrant (about 30 seconds). Add zucchini and saute, until slightly softened.
4. Add tomato puree, water or broth, reserved bean broth, salt and pepper. Bring to bubbling. Simmer for 10 minutes.
5. Add beans and basil. Cook 5 more minutes. If it is too thick, add water.
6. Place cooked and drained macaroni into a serving bowl. Spoon 3/4 of the sauce over the pasta and mix. Pour remaining sauce over the top and sprinkle with grated cheese, if using.
1/2 pound of dried Great Northern beans
6 cups sliced zucchini
2 T olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped (any color)
1 large garlic clove, smashed
1 29 oz can of tomato puree
3/4 cup water or vegetable broth
Salt and pepper
4-5 fresh basil leaves OR 1/2 tsp dried basil
Dash of crushed red pepper flakes (more if you like extra kick)
1 pound elbow macaroni or other small pasta
Grated Romano or Parmesan cheese (optional)
Prep: Soak beans overnight
1. Cook beans according to package directions. Drain, reserving 3/4 cup of the cooking liquid.
2. Start heating heavily salted water for pasta.
3. In a large pan, on medium heat, cook the onion in the olive oil until it begins to soften. Add garlic and red pepper flakes. Cook until the garlic becomes fragrant (about 30 seconds). Add zucchini and saute, until slightly softened.
4. Add tomato puree, water or broth, reserved bean broth, salt and pepper. Bring to bubbling. Simmer for 10 minutes.
5. Add beans and basil. Cook 5 more minutes. If it is too thick, add water.
6. Place cooked and drained macaroni into a serving bowl. Spoon 3/4 of the sauce over the pasta and mix. Pour remaining sauce over the top and sprinkle with grated cheese, if using.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Slightly Spicy Couscous Stuffed Tomatoes
This dish came from Hallee the Homemaker.
I would have never thought up this flavor combination. It's delicious.
If you don't like it spicy, omit or reduce the Tabasco sauce. I ate this
all the time when I was pregnant with Banana Boy.
Slightly Spicy Couscous Stuffed Tomatoes
This dish works great as a side dish or a lunch entrée.
1 cup regular couscous
6 large firm ripe red tomatoes
dash Kosher or Sea salt
1 tablespoon cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
¼ teaspoon hot sauce (Tabasco or similar)
1 clove garlic — peeled and minced
Filling:
¼ cup finely chopped green bell pepper
¼ cup finely chopped orange bell pepper
¼ cup finely chopped red bell pepper
6 green onions — finely chopped
1 cup finely chopped fresh Italian parsley
⅓ cup finely chopped fresh mint
3 tablespoons cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
¼ cup fresh lemon juice (fresh squeezed is best)
Kosher or Sea Salt
Fresh ground black pepper
Prep:
(Can all be done while couscous is boiling and cooling)
Chop, slice, dice vegetables
Top and carefully scoop out tomatoes
Brush the inside of the tomatoes with hot sauce
Directions:
Bring to a boil 2 cups water in a medium-size saucepan. Add couscous and stir. Boil again, lower beat and cover. Simmer until all water has been absorbed. Stir to fluff, remove from heat and allow to stand 5 minutes. Cool in refrigerator.
Cut a ½ inch slice off the top of each tomato from the stem end. Discard seeds, remove pulp with a spoon, and chop pulp into small pieces. Set pulp aside for the filling. Lightly sprinkle tomato shell with salt and place upside down on a cookie sheet for approximately 10 minutes to drain its liquid. Mix together olive oil, hot sauce, and garlic. Turn tomato shells upright and drizzle them with olive oil mixture.
When couscous is cold, toss green, orange and red peppers, green onions, parsley, and mint together with couscous. Add reserved tomato pulp, olive oil, lemon juice, and salt and pepper to taste. Toss again and taste for seasoning. Cut a thin slice off the bottom of each tomato to keep them from rolling.
Spoon filling into each prepared tomato shell. Garnish with a sprig of parsley and serve
Slightly Spicy Couscous Stuffed Tomatoes
This dish works great as a side dish or a lunch entrée.
1 cup regular couscous
6 large firm ripe red tomatoes
dash Kosher or Sea salt
1 tablespoon cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
¼ teaspoon hot sauce (Tabasco or similar)
1 clove garlic — peeled and minced
Filling:
¼ cup finely chopped green bell pepper
¼ cup finely chopped orange bell pepper
¼ cup finely chopped red bell pepper
6 green onions — finely chopped
1 cup finely chopped fresh Italian parsley
⅓ cup finely chopped fresh mint
3 tablespoons cold pressed extra virgin olive oil
¼ cup fresh lemon juice (fresh squeezed is best)
Kosher or Sea Salt
Fresh ground black pepper
Prep:
(Can all be done while couscous is boiling and cooling)
Chop, slice, dice vegetables
Top and carefully scoop out tomatoes
Brush the inside of the tomatoes with hot sauce
Directions:
Bring to a boil 2 cups water in a medium-size saucepan. Add couscous and stir. Boil again, lower beat and cover. Simmer until all water has been absorbed. Stir to fluff, remove from heat and allow to stand 5 minutes. Cool in refrigerator.
Cut a ½ inch slice off the top of each tomato from the stem end. Discard seeds, remove pulp with a spoon, and chop pulp into small pieces. Set pulp aside for the filling. Lightly sprinkle tomato shell with salt and place upside down on a cookie sheet for approximately 10 minutes to drain its liquid. Mix together olive oil, hot sauce, and garlic. Turn tomato shells upright and drizzle them with olive oil mixture.
When couscous is cold, toss green, orange and red peppers, green onions, parsley, and mint together with couscous. Add reserved tomato pulp, olive oil, lemon juice, and salt and pepper to taste. Toss again and taste for seasoning. Cut a thin slice off the bottom of each tomato to keep them from rolling.
Spoon filling into each prepared tomato shell. Garnish with a sprig of parsley and serve
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Zucchini Ribbons with Parmesan Sauce
The original recipe can be found here: http://www.halleethehomemaker.com/2011/02/zucchini-ribbons-with-parmesan-sauce/ . I've tweaked it a bit.
Summer is squash season in our neck of the woods. It's cheap and delicious, not to mention healthy. However, squash can get boring. Try this for something different.
4-5 good sized zucchini
3 cloves of garlic (more if you really like garlic)
2 Tbsp EVOO
1 1/2 cups whole milk
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
1. Using a veggie peeler, peel zucchini into ribbons. Go all the way around the zucchini, down to the seeds. Mince garlic or use a garlic press.
2. In a medium pan, heat 1 Tbsp of the olive oil and add the garlic.
3. When you can smell the cooked garlic, add the milk and S&P. Turn heat to high and bring it to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes.
4. While the sauce is simmering, heat the rest of the oil over medium heat in a medium pan (large enough to hold all of your zucchini ribbons). Add zucchini and sauté for a 2-3 minutes. Don't let it cook through or it will get soggy. Remove pan from the heat.
5. After the sauce done simmering, remove it from the heat and wisk in the cheese. Toss with the zucchini ribbons.
The first time I made this, we put the zucchini over couscous and it soaked up the sauce! Delicious! We had some left over, so I heated it up the next night and added sliced chicken breasts (also a left over) and poured it over fettucchini. It was even better than the night before! Hubby insisted that I add this into our rotation.
Summer is squash season in our neck of the woods. It's cheap and delicious, not to mention healthy. However, squash can get boring. Try this for something different.
4-5 good sized zucchini
3 cloves of garlic (more if you really like garlic)
2 Tbsp EVOO
1 1/2 cups whole milk
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
1. Using a veggie peeler, peel zucchini into ribbons. Go all the way around the zucchini, down to the seeds. Mince garlic or use a garlic press.
2. In a medium pan, heat 1 Tbsp of the olive oil and add the garlic.
3. When you can smell the cooked garlic, add the milk and S&P. Turn heat to high and bring it to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes.
4. While the sauce is simmering, heat the rest of the oil over medium heat in a medium pan (large enough to hold all of your zucchini ribbons). Add zucchini and sauté for a 2-3 minutes. Don't let it cook through or it will get soggy. Remove pan from the heat.
5. After the sauce done simmering, remove it from the heat and wisk in the cheese. Toss with the zucchini ribbons.
The first time I made this, we put the zucchini over couscous and it soaked up the sauce! Delicious! We had some left over, so I heated it up the next night and added sliced chicken breasts (also a left over) and poured it over fettucchini. It was even better than the night before! Hubby insisted that I add this into our rotation.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Big Blessings Bring Big Changes
On December 15, 2013, I graduated from college with my Bachelor's degree in Elementary Education (with Reading and ESOL endorsements). In case you didn't know, December isn't a great time to graduate with an education degree. Most schools have their teaching positions filled, so most of my classmates put in their applications for substituting until something else becomes available. Our financial situation wouldn't allow for me to sub, because our sons would need to be in daycare ($1000 a month), and I would make enough to just cover daycare and gas expenses. I wouldn't be contributing anything to our monthly budget, AND I'd be away from our kids all day. It was a no-win situation, so we decided that we'd pull the boys from daycare (which we'd used during my internship and absolutely adore), and I'd be a full-time homemaker until I found a real teaching job.
Our hearts were sore over this decision. You see, Banana Boy is on the Autism spectrum. Thankfully, it's a very mild case, but it's there, nevertheless. His speech delay was an area of concern for us... until he went to our amazing preschool. Those teachers have worked with him in ways I simply couldn't have. He made tremendous progress in the 4 months he was there, and we were worried that he would regress. We cried and prayed and cried some more. He NEEDED to be in that preschool, but there was absolutely no way we could swing even a couple of half days. Knowing that God is in control, we decided to work our plan and plan to work. I'd pinned tons of ideas for how I'd spend my days "home pre-schooling."
The boys' last day was going to be the day before Christmas break- the day the school hosts a "Birthday party for Jesus." (How cute is that!) After the party (parents were able to come celebrate, too), we went to their classrooms to pick up their stuff and say goodbye to their teachers. As I was buckling the boys into the car, my husband felt the need to go speak to the school's director. The next thing I knew, the director came out the car and told me that my husband was talking to the principal of (insert school here) and that she's keep and eye on the boys while I went to see them. I walked in the door, and was introduced. I found out that the next Monday (December 23rd), they were having a workshop/application for a teaching position and they hadn't had anybody apply. I was one of two applicants that showed up.
I got a call that afternoon asking me to come back for another interview on Christmas Eve, and I was offered the job the next day. This teaching job is a dream come true. I get to work at a small, private school that specializes in teaching children with dyslexia and ADD/ADHD. I teach 6 periods a day, mostly reading, to classes of no more than 5 students. I feel like I fit perfectly! During my student teaching, I thought about my kids all day and how much I'd rather be with them. Truth be told, I rarely think about my kids while I'm at work, and when I do, I don't feel guilty or like I'd rather be with them. I love my job, and they love their pre-school. I get home by 4:30, and I have time to prep dinner and get stuff done around the house before my three favorite guys get home. I have me-time, even if that means getting to fold laundry without "helpers" destroying it all. Would I rather be in a financial position where I could be at home all day and send the kids to preschool 2 or 3 mornings a week? Absolutely, yes. But for now, this gives us balance, and that is a huge blessing.
Our hearts were sore over this decision. You see, Banana Boy is on the Autism spectrum. Thankfully, it's a very mild case, but it's there, nevertheless. His speech delay was an area of concern for us... until he went to our amazing preschool. Those teachers have worked with him in ways I simply couldn't have. He made tremendous progress in the 4 months he was there, and we were worried that he would regress. We cried and prayed and cried some more. He NEEDED to be in that preschool, but there was absolutely no way we could swing even a couple of half days. Knowing that God is in control, we decided to work our plan and plan to work. I'd pinned tons of ideas for how I'd spend my days "home pre-schooling."
The boys' last day was going to be the day before Christmas break- the day the school hosts a "Birthday party for Jesus." (How cute is that!) After the party (parents were able to come celebrate, too), we went to their classrooms to pick up their stuff and say goodbye to their teachers. As I was buckling the boys into the car, my husband felt the need to go speak to the school's director. The next thing I knew, the director came out the car and told me that my husband was talking to the principal of (insert school here) and that she's keep and eye on the boys while I went to see them. I walked in the door, and was introduced. I found out that the next Monday (December 23rd), they were having a workshop/application for a teaching position and they hadn't had anybody apply. I was one of two applicants that showed up.
I got a call that afternoon asking me to come back for another interview on Christmas Eve, and I was offered the job the next day. This teaching job is a dream come true. I get to work at a small, private school that specializes in teaching children with dyslexia and ADD/ADHD. I teach 6 periods a day, mostly reading, to classes of no more than 5 students. I feel like I fit perfectly! During my student teaching, I thought about my kids all day and how much I'd rather be with them. Truth be told, I rarely think about my kids while I'm at work, and when I do, I don't feel guilty or like I'd rather be with them. I love my job, and they love their pre-school. I get home by 4:30, and I have time to prep dinner and get stuff done around the house before my three favorite guys get home. I have me-time, even if that means getting to fold laundry without "helpers" destroying it all. Would I rather be in a financial position where I could be at home all day and send the kids to preschool 2 or 3 mornings a week? Absolutely, yes. But for now, this gives us balance, and that is a huge blessing.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Black Bean Pita Pizzas
I was getting sick of PB&J and tuna salad for lunch, so I came up with this.
2 Whole wheat pitas
1/2 cup salsa
2/3 can of beans (black, pinto, kidney, whatever)
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
Preheat oven to 350 F
Drain and rinse beans.
Place pitas on a baking sheet. Spread half of the salsa on each pita.
Top each pita with half of the beans and half of the cheese.
Bake for 5-8 minutes, until the cheese is melted and the pita is crisp.
Makes 2 pizzas. Enough for 2 people or one very hungry person. :)
2 Whole wheat pitas
1/2 cup salsa
2/3 can of beans (black, pinto, kidney, whatever)
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
Preheat oven to 350 F
Drain and rinse beans.
Place pitas on a baking sheet. Spread half of the salsa on each pita.
Top each pita with half of the beans and half of the cheese.
 |
| Thinly sliced cheese works just as well. |
Makes 2 pizzas. Enough for 2 people or one very hungry person. :)
 |
| Yum! |
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Banana Boy's Birth Story
Three years ago, today, Banana Boy was born. His birth was traumatic for me, but I feel like I need to share what I wrote about it when he was about 2 months old. Yes, I sound bitter and angry because that's what birth trauma does.
"Spoiler Alert : I gave birth to a healthy baby boy via c-section.
Let me start by saying that nothing went according to plan. NOTHING. That doesn't mean I love my son any less. My feelings about my birth and my feelings about my son are not the same thing. I can be thrilled beyond all description that my son is here and healthy and still think it sucks that he came into this world that way. I don't expect most people to get that. I guess you have to have lived it.
Anyway, my plan was this:
From 16 weeks on, I measured 2-3 weeks ahead of date.
December 14, 2010. Parking lot after registration. First contractions. Very mild.
December 15 2010- January 9, 2010 Have contractions every day. Trying everything imaginable (except castor oil) to get labor going. Small success with "labor induction cookies" in late December. Contractions lasted for about 4 hours then went away.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I wake up with contractions about 5 minutes apart. At 9 a.m.We go to the hospital because that's what you do at 5 minutes apart. We get hooked up to the monitor. Baby's doing well. Contractions aren't very strong. The nurse "can't find" my cervix. She proceeds to shove her fingers up me like a sock puppet. IT HURT! Even though she "can't find" my cervix, she declares me 2 cm and tells us to walk for two hours. We walk and walk. We call my mom and let her know what's going on. We walk some more. Nurse checks again. She "can't find it" but I'm "still 2 cm." We get sent home. I'm ticked and sore. I contract all day. I try to sleep.
11 p.m. We're at my mother-in-law's. Contractions have been coming on stronger but nothing crazy. 2 minutes apart. She advises we go to the hospital. Hubby and I drive around for a bit to kill time. We get to the hospital around 11:45. We get hooked up to the monitor again. Baby's fine. I get checked again. 2 cm. We get told to walk for 2 hours and then they'll check again.
1:30 a.m. We're walking and walking. Out of nowhere, my contractions stop dead. Not slow down. Stop. From every two minutes to nothing. I tell the nurse what happened. My next OB appointment is 12 hours later, so we get sent home. Best night's sleep I'd had in weeks.
Tuesday January 11, 2010
We go to my OB. We get an ultrasound. The estimated size of baby is 9 pounds 11 oz. At this point my OB is "legally required to offer a c-section." Ummm... knife? My baby? No thanks. However, baby is getting bigger everyday (I'm eating over 3000 calories a day and not gaining weight) and needs to come out sooner than later. We schedule an induction for 7:00 a.m. the next day. My mom comes up that night.
Wednesday January 12,2010 7:05 a.m.
We're late for our induction appointment! ARG! Well, as it turns out, that's okay because every pregnant woman in our city went into labor the night before and every bed was full. (They'd called earlier, but we couldn't hear the phone ring in our room and my mom didn't pick it up because she didn't want to "invade our privacy" by answering our phone. ) They tell us to go home and they'll call us when we can come back. We wait all day. I'm stresses beyond stressed. This is NOT how my labor is supposed to be, dang it! I'm the first one to snap. (I blame the hormones.) Then Hubby kind of looses it. Mom breaks about 4 hours later as we're sitting around the table playing cards and stress eating everything in the house. We all start laughing for no reason, and it didn't stop. I swear, if you walked in at that moment, you'd swear we were drunk.
5:30 p.m. We get a call from the hospital. Induction isn't going to happen that day. We reschedule for the next morning. We watch The Sword in the Stone to pass time. More stress eating.
Thursday January 13, 2011
My mom wakes me up to tell me the hospital called. No reason to come in. Another rush of pregnant ladies came in overnight. More waiting. I cry. I just know something bad is going to happen! No. No. No. We're going to get me to go into labor. More attempts. No go.
5:00 p.m. Dave went somewhere with his mother and of course, we get a phone call from the hospital. Come on in! Typical, right? Good thing he wasn't far away.
5:15 p.m. We're admitted. I change into the hospital gown. I immediately begin to itch. Guess who's got sensitive skin and having an allergic reaction? (Hint: ME!) I change back into the undershirt I was wearing. The doctor comes in and explains what's going to happen. I'll be stuck on every beeping machine they have. In my head I hear all the reasons you're supposed to avoid that stuff. But I'm being induced and it comes with the territory. (Maybe induction wasn't such a good idea? But, of course, I never said that out loud.) The most awesome nurse says to me, "You wanted to do this naturally, didn't you?"
"How'd you know?"
"Because you look like you're about to cry."
"This just isn't how it was supposed to be."
"I know the feeling. But you're here now and I promise I'll do everything I can to make this as close to what you wanted. Dare I ask your preferences on pain management?" We giggled.
"Don't offer it to me unless I threaten your life." :)
5:45-ish Pitocin is started. They tell me to try to get some rest. My MIL goes home and my husband and mom lay down on the cot and bed-chair thing. I stare off at the wall and cry a little.
5:55 I feel a cold, wet spray. It tastes salty. I scream for my mom. I'd managed to pull my IV out of my hand. It's dark. My mom feels it, but doesn't notice the cold. She thinks I'm bleeding out. (It's actually kind of funny in retrospect.) We call a nurse. She has to re-stick me. She tries my left hand. Nope. Tries my left wrist. (OUCH!) No good. She tries my right wrist. (Again, OUCH!) We got it! It's taped in good. We're sent back to bed.
6:00-ish Hello contractions! It hurts but nothing crazy. I wanted out of that bed, though. I call my mom over to help me with the IV line. I get on the ball and breathe. My mom rubs my back.
The next few hours are blurs of increasing pain, me demanding my mom put hot packs on my lower back and trips from the birthing ball to the toilet. (I peed 6 or 7 times that night.) The "breathing techniques" we learned in childbirth education class did squat. My mom taught me Lamaze breathing while I was IN LABOR. About midnight the contractions got INTENSE, one right after the other. I thought I was going to die. The line that shows the strength of the contractions on the monitor was peeking out at the very top. At one point, I turned to my mom and asked why the h-e-double toothpicks I hadn't just had the stupid c-section. Her response was exactly what I needed. "Don't think about that. You need to focus on the now. Not the past or the future. Just worry about right now, and right now, you're doing awesome."
Around 3 a.m. I realized that my contractions weren't doing anything. I could tell that the baby wasn't lower. I had to shake that thought out of my head. I didn't have time. I had breathing to do. All I can do is pray and visualize my cervix opening and breathe.
5:30 a.m. I make a deal with my cervix. If it will just dilate to 6 cm, I can handle the rest naturally. If it can only dilate to 3 or 4 cm, I'll wuss out and get the epidural. "You can do it," my mind tells my cervix." You can open another centimeter before you get checked at 7."
7:30 a.m. (Friday) I get checked. Still 2 cm, and I'm less effaced than 12 hours prior. I'm broken. I'd break down and cry but I'm too busy breathing through contractions. "Cut me," I think. One centimeter! My cervix couldn't open one centimeter?! Seriously?! The doctor says that they could break my water and see if that will help. Maybe put an internal monitor in and see what's going on. "What's the point," I think. "I've failed. Just cut me." I tell him, "No, it's time." The nurse stops the Pitocin. I want everybody out except my husband. I cry. We pray together.
The nurse and our moms come back in. The Pitocin stops. I contract for another half hour or so. I sign the forms. There's a woman ahead of us in the OR, so we wait. I get a shower and get prepped for surgery. I put on the happy face. Yay, my baby's being born. It's a facade. I'm devastated... inside.
11:15 a.m. I walk to the OR. The scrub nurses are prepping everything. I get the spinal and go numb, physically and emotionally. As I lay on the table, I look around and begin to see everything in terms of "That shouldn't be that way." The bright lights should be dimmed; the beeping machines should be soft music and encouraging words; the body, numb from the chest down, should be up and moving to facilitate labor and instead of lying on my back, I should be up, squatting or on my hands and knees pushing my child out. It's all wrong!
11:49 a.m. My son is born via c-section. He poops on the doctor and pees on the nurse. They show him to me over the curtain, and some amniotic fluid drips into my mouth. My hands are tied, and I'm numb from the neck down, so I can't do anything about it. He weighs in at 10 pounds 6 oz. and 21 inches long. I'm given some drug and I fall asleep while they stitch me up. I see my son in recovery, but I'm really drugged up and don't remember much of the next 3 days. I found out later that Hubby was with him in the nursery for an hour because he had breathing trouble.
Maybe a c-section is how Babyzilla needed to come into this world. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to handle a vaginal birth. Maybe he would have been fine if we'd waited for labor to start on its own again. Maybe I have nobody to blame but myself. I don't have the answers to that, but I do know that having that c-section changed me forever."
Shortly after I wrote this, I found ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). That group was a God-send! 2 and a half years later, I'm still grieving.
"Spoiler Alert : I gave birth to a healthy baby boy via c-section.
Let me start by saying that nothing went according to plan. NOTHING. That doesn't mean I love my son any less. My feelings about my birth and my feelings about my son are not the same thing. I can be thrilled beyond all description that my son is here and healthy and still think it sucks that he came into this world that way. I don't expect most people to get that. I guess you have to have lived it.
Anyway, my plan was this:
- Go to the best OB in town.
- Be informed about my options and rights when it comes to interventions.
- Have a flexible birth plan based on having as few interventions as necessary.
- Prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally for a natural vaginal birth. (Childbirth education, various relaxation methods learned from the Internet..)
- Create a birth environment with minimal stress. (Low lights, few people, soft music)
- Have OB and hubby on board with said plan.
From 16 weeks on, I measured 2-3 weeks ahead of date.
December 14, 2010. Parking lot after registration. First contractions. Very mild.
December 15 2010- January 9, 2010 Have contractions every day. Trying everything imaginable (except castor oil) to get labor going. Small success with "labor induction cookies" in late December. Contractions lasted for about 4 hours then went away.
Monday, January 10, 2011
I wake up with contractions about 5 minutes apart. At 9 a.m.We go to the hospital because that's what you do at 5 minutes apart. We get hooked up to the monitor. Baby's doing well. Contractions aren't very strong. The nurse "can't find" my cervix. She proceeds to shove her fingers up me like a sock puppet. IT HURT! Even though she "can't find" my cervix, she declares me 2 cm and tells us to walk for two hours. We walk and walk. We call my mom and let her know what's going on. We walk some more. Nurse checks again. She "can't find it" but I'm "still 2 cm." We get sent home. I'm ticked and sore. I contract all day. I try to sleep.
11 p.m. We're at my mother-in-law's. Contractions have been coming on stronger but nothing crazy. 2 minutes apart. She advises we go to the hospital. Hubby and I drive around for a bit to kill time. We get to the hospital around 11:45. We get hooked up to the monitor again. Baby's fine. I get checked again. 2 cm. We get told to walk for 2 hours and then they'll check again.
1:30 a.m. We're walking and walking. Out of nowhere, my contractions stop dead. Not slow down. Stop. From every two minutes to nothing. I tell the nurse what happened. My next OB appointment is 12 hours later, so we get sent home. Best night's sleep I'd had in weeks.
Tuesday January 11, 2010
We go to my OB. We get an ultrasound. The estimated size of baby is 9 pounds 11 oz. At this point my OB is "legally required to offer a c-section." Ummm... knife? My baby? No thanks. However, baby is getting bigger everyday (I'm eating over 3000 calories a day and not gaining weight) and needs to come out sooner than later. We schedule an induction for 7:00 a.m. the next day. My mom comes up that night.
Wednesday January 12,2010 7:05 a.m.
We're late for our induction appointment! ARG! Well, as it turns out, that's okay because every pregnant woman in our city went into labor the night before and every bed was full. (They'd called earlier, but we couldn't hear the phone ring in our room and my mom didn't pick it up because she didn't want to "invade our privacy" by answering our phone. ) They tell us to go home and they'll call us when we can come back. We wait all day. I'm stresses beyond stressed. This is NOT how my labor is supposed to be, dang it! I'm the first one to snap. (I blame the hormones.) Then Hubby kind of looses it. Mom breaks about 4 hours later as we're sitting around the table playing cards and stress eating everything in the house. We all start laughing for no reason, and it didn't stop. I swear, if you walked in at that moment, you'd swear we were drunk.
5:30 p.m. We get a call from the hospital. Induction isn't going to happen that day. We reschedule for the next morning. We watch The Sword in the Stone to pass time. More stress eating.
Thursday January 13, 2011
My mom wakes me up to tell me the hospital called. No reason to come in. Another rush of pregnant ladies came in overnight. More waiting. I cry. I just know something bad is going to happen! No. No. No. We're going to get me to go into labor. More attempts. No go.
5:00 p.m. Dave went somewhere with his mother and of course, we get a phone call from the hospital. Come on in! Typical, right? Good thing he wasn't far away.
5:15 p.m. We're admitted. I change into the hospital gown. I immediately begin to itch. Guess who's got sensitive skin and having an allergic reaction? (Hint: ME!) I change back into the undershirt I was wearing. The doctor comes in and explains what's going to happen. I'll be stuck on every beeping machine they have. In my head I hear all the reasons you're supposed to avoid that stuff. But I'm being induced and it comes with the territory. (Maybe induction wasn't such a good idea? But, of course, I never said that out loud.) The most awesome nurse says to me, "You wanted to do this naturally, didn't you?"
"How'd you know?"
"Because you look like you're about to cry."
"This just isn't how it was supposed to be."
"I know the feeling. But you're here now and I promise I'll do everything I can to make this as close to what you wanted. Dare I ask your preferences on pain management?" We giggled.
"Don't offer it to me unless I threaten your life." :)
5:45-ish Pitocin is started. They tell me to try to get some rest. My MIL goes home and my husband and mom lay down on the cot and bed-chair thing. I stare off at the wall and cry a little.
5:55 I feel a cold, wet spray. It tastes salty. I scream for my mom. I'd managed to pull my IV out of my hand. It's dark. My mom feels it, but doesn't notice the cold. She thinks I'm bleeding out. (It's actually kind of funny in retrospect.) We call a nurse. She has to re-stick me. She tries my left hand. Nope. Tries my left wrist. (OUCH!) No good. She tries my right wrist. (Again, OUCH!) We got it! It's taped in good. We're sent back to bed.
6:00-ish Hello contractions! It hurts but nothing crazy. I wanted out of that bed, though. I call my mom over to help me with the IV line. I get on the ball and breathe. My mom rubs my back.
The next few hours are blurs of increasing pain, me demanding my mom put hot packs on my lower back and trips from the birthing ball to the toilet. (I peed 6 or 7 times that night.) The "breathing techniques" we learned in childbirth education class did squat. My mom taught me Lamaze breathing while I was IN LABOR. About midnight the contractions got INTENSE, one right after the other. I thought I was going to die. The line that shows the strength of the contractions on the monitor was peeking out at the very top. At one point, I turned to my mom and asked why the h-e-double toothpicks I hadn't just had the stupid c-section. Her response was exactly what I needed. "Don't think about that. You need to focus on the now. Not the past or the future. Just worry about right now, and right now, you're doing awesome."
Around 3 a.m. I realized that my contractions weren't doing anything. I could tell that the baby wasn't lower. I had to shake that thought out of my head. I didn't have time. I had breathing to do. All I can do is pray and visualize my cervix opening and breathe.
5:30 a.m. I make a deal with my cervix. If it will just dilate to 6 cm, I can handle the rest naturally. If it can only dilate to 3 or 4 cm, I'll wuss out and get the epidural. "You can do it," my mind tells my cervix." You can open another centimeter before you get checked at 7."
7:30 a.m. (Friday) I get checked. Still 2 cm, and I'm less effaced than 12 hours prior. I'm broken. I'd break down and cry but I'm too busy breathing through contractions. "Cut me," I think. One centimeter! My cervix couldn't open one centimeter?! Seriously?! The doctor says that they could break my water and see if that will help. Maybe put an internal monitor in and see what's going on. "What's the point," I think. "I've failed. Just cut me." I tell him, "No, it's time." The nurse stops the Pitocin. I want everybody out except my husband. I cry. We pray together.
The nurse and our moms come back in. The Pitocin stops. I contract for another half hour or so. I sign the forms. There's a woman ahead of us in the OR, so we wait. I get a shower and get prepped for surgery. I put on the happy face. Yay, my baby's being born. It's a facade. I'm devastated... inside.
11:15 a.m. I walk to the OR. The scrub nurses are prepping everything. I get the spinal and go numb, physically and emotionally. As I lay on the table, I look around and begin to see everything in terms of "That shouldn't be that way." The bright lights should be dimmed; the beeping machines should be soft music and encouraging words; the body, numb from the chest down, should be up and moving to facilitate labor and instead of lying on my back, I should be up, squatting or on my hands and knees pushing my child out. It's all wrong!
11:49 a.m. My son is born via c-section. He poops on the doctor and pees on the nurse. They show him to me over the curtain, and some amniotic fluid drips into my mouth. My hands are tied, and I'm numb from the neck down, so I can't do anything about it. He weighs in at 10 pounds 6 oz. and 21 inches long. I'm given some drug and I fall asleep while they stitch me up. I see my son in recovery, but I'm really drugged up and don't remember much of the next 3 days. I found out later that Hubby was with him in the nursery for an hour because he had breathing trouble.
Maybe a c-section is how Babyzilla needed to come into this world. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to handle a vaginal birth. Maybe he would have been fine if we'd waited for labor to start on its own again. Maybe I have nobody to blame but myself. I don't have the answers to that, but I do know that having that c-section changed me forever."
Shortly after I wrote this, I found ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). That group was a God-send! 2 and a half years later, I'm still grieving.
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